I wish it was me
by loveinwinter
Summary: I saw you standing there, at the window where we first talked… and how we could have ended up like this devastates me. AyaYohji slightly. Angsty. Cold Aya, heartbroken Yohji. Implied yaoi, I don't think it needs a higher rating.


Disclaimer: I don't own Weiss or the bishies. If I did the show would be totally different. ;P I don't own anything except the DVD's and the plot.

Author note: I did this as a piece of creative writing for my English class. I didn't use the names and based the characters on the Weiss boys loosely. This is an edited version, built up more to be a fic about Aya and Yohji, my fav Weiss hotties. I'm thinking of up-loading the original version, and…

Yohji: Will you hurry up?

Me: Sorry, I can't help it. I like to write.

Yohji: Don't make me call Aya :( Aya appears brandishing his Katana.

Me: eeep uses Omi as a shield Ha ha! You won't kill the chibi! Ken comes barrelling past and snatches Omi out of harms way.

Me: Ohhhh shit drops everything and runs for the safety of Bakura's arms.

Yohji and Aya: Well now that she's gone, here's the story. We hope you enjoy and **please** review, she's anxious. This is her first published fic.

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I saw you standing there, at the window where we first talked, staring down at the busy roads of Tokyo as the sun set. Your wine red hair fell softly around your face, the two pieces of hair that always fell in front of your ears were still there. Did you know they were always my favourite? Your hair reaches almost to the middle of your back now, I remember the thousands of times I begged you to let it grow. The memory makes me smile, once I got down on my knees in the middle of the shopping centre and begged you, in front of the huge Christmas crowd to let it grow. Your glare really put meaning to "If looks could kill." Well if they could, I'd would have been stabbed through a thousand times over with your Katana. But even with that glare, your mouth lifted slightly at the corner, and that made it all worth it.

Your eyes also attracted me, possibly the most, to you. I don't think anyone else in the world has eyes that violet colour. I asked you, months after we met, the first time we really talked, where you got contact lenses that shade of purple. You just smiled… well kind of smiled. Your mouth, always pressed into a tight line, lifted just a faction at the corner and your face softened slightly. I think that's when I fell in love with you. I spent many months afterwards, nearly two years, before I asked you out, watching and studying you. I spent that time working up the courage to ask you out. I know I was afraid of your rejection and I was so relieved when you agreed. Though we were not without difficulty before you agreed. Denial just ain't a river in Egypt. You are beautiful, so different here in Japan with your red hair and violet eyes, but then, I, with my blonde hair and bright green eyes am also an oddity. The day you said you loved me was the best day of my life, and how we could have ended up like _this_ devastates me.

You shifting to cross your arms draws me out of my reflections. You know I'm here now, even though I entered silently and you haven't looked up yet. You still look down at the streets as though they hold all the answers to our problems. For you it might, you could just run away again. But that didn't solve anything last time did it? The setting sun cast a warm glow over the room and your sharp features, but I felt cold. Cold because of the way you were ignoring me, cold with the fear that may not love me anymore. You had been getting more silent and withdrawn ever since your sister was in the accident that put her in the coma. I know she was the one person that you strove to protect, you did everything in your power to provide and care for her. I remember the night of the accident quite clearly, a feat in itself considering how drunk I was. But it is like the horror of that night is burned into my memory, because I can recall it again and again with sickening accuracy.

Do you blame me for the accident love? Do you think it was my fault? Would you rather that it was me in the come? I wish I could just forget it all, and that it never happened. Can you really blame me for making him drive home from the club that night? I was drunk, so drunk I could barely stand by myself, but against my better judgement I let him drive. Well I had no choice really, while helping me to the car he pilfered the keys and wouldn't give them back. Said I was in no condition to drive. I remember snorting, because even drunk I still probably was a better driver than him. We were almost home and I was excited, I wanted to see you because I missed you. You never came clubbing with us so I missed your wonderful presence. But we were almost there when we saw her. She must have gone to see you, because she walked from the direction we were heading. I wound down the window and waved but she didn't see, or she thought we were a couple of drunks. Did you ever know that he had had only one drink that night? So it wasn't the alcohol that caused the accident. I don't know how, I don't think I'll ever know how that car span out of control, but it did and we hit her. She went flying into a wall, then our car smashed into a parked truck. My arm, which was still hanging out the window, was crushed, broken in about five different places, while he had smacked his head on the window, probably a mild concussion. It was your sister I was worried about, but I couldn't find the strength to get out and check on her. I managed to pull out my mobile, and didn't know whom to call. You or the ambulance. I decided on the ambulance as the number was shorter and I felt like passing out.

Which I did, right after I gave them the address of approximately where we were.

When I woke up in hospital you weren't by my side. I was afraid until he appeared, and he brought the chibi. Poor chibi, he had been crying all night- nights? I think I was out for a couple of days. They assured me that all I had was a broken arm, and he had a concussion. When I asked about your sister they both fell silent. Eventually they told me that she had spent several hours in surgery and now she was in ICU and you were not leaving her side. I understood but I was upset.

That memory plagues me day after day, night after night. In the seven months since the accident I've barely slept.

Kept awake by nightmares, and the fact that you aren't by my side. You have to know it was an accident, that I would have driven if I could. That I wish it was me and I would give my life gladly to your sister so she could live and you could be happy again. I know I've said this out loud, and you turn to stare at me with pain, anger and just a little compassion and love? You just stare without saying a word and I meet your gaze and whisper that I love you.

A single tear roles down your pale cheek as you close your eyes.

And my heart breaks as you turn and walk out of the room.


End file.
